Shame and Sin

From the previous post, Shame the Silent Killer, we see how very damaging living in shame can be.  We see what it creates in us....lack of trust and hope, self-sufficiency, fear, inability to love and receive love in a healthy way.  It literally robs us of our identity as children of God.  This theft of our identity isn't a laughing matter.  Souls who are stuck in shame can be lost as a result of not living in their true identity.  Souls who are living in shame have difficulty approaching God and seeking His mercy and forgiveness.  We can become like the rich young man, who although was following all the rules, could not trust Christ enough to let go of his belongings to follow Him completely.  People who are living in the sickness of shame have difficulty letting go of their "belongings" so to speak...their false identities and defense mechanisms of rationalization and intellectualization.


Intellectualization is defined as an unconscious means of protecting oneself from the emotional stress and anxiety associated with confronting painful personal fears or problems by excessive reasoning.  Corruption of truth.
Rationalization is defined as a defense mechanism in which irrational or unacceptable behavior, motives, or feelings are logically justified or made consciously tolerable by plausible means.

"These defenses must be carefully examined because they are the trump cards in the devils deck" according to Fr. Benedict Groeschel in the book Spiritual Passages.

God understands completely what people living in shame are going through, and is compassionate towards them.  He understands the wounds, the pain and the fear that created it. He knows that it can harden our hearts. He mourns over what sin has does to His children.  God desires your healing, however.  He does not want you to walk away like the rich young man did.



So what are the special dangers that are present in a person living in shame?  There are many.  In His mercy, God did show me how living this way was breeding sin.  That was part of the "heaviness" of the yoke I felt.  This can be a difficult topic to write about because of the shame factor in sin.  Like a vicious cycle. You establish your life, knowingly or unknowingly, to protect yourself from shame.  It's a result of a deep wound possibly caused by someone you loved and trusted.  It can be a result of being sinned against, not brought on by any fault of your own.  The challenge is seeing that this life we are living rooted in shame is built on a foundation of sin, and we are only continuing on in sin in response to it.

Let's look at one of the characteristics of living in the sickness of shame and see how it can lead to sin.  Know that God makes us aware of this out of His love, not condemnation or vengeance.  It is His mercy that shows us this so that we may be healed.  His greatest desire is that the captives be set free.  What sets us free?  The truth. 

One of the first and probably more obvious sins that stem from the sickness of shame is Pride.  It seems to be a common, hidden thread in the list of "characteristics" in the previous post. Pride can be misunderstood because many people were taught that pride was a good thing.  There are two kinds of pride, as you'll see in the description below.   You might think that someone suffering from shame; feeling inferior, worthless, fearful and wounded, would be incapable of this sin of Pride.  Unfortunately, feelings of shame can manifest in behaving shamelessly...the complete opposite.  We may not even be aware that our actions are sinful. This is dangerous because it's deceptive. That "trump card in the devils deck." 

 The following is the most accurate and eye-opening example of prideful behavior I have ever read.  It is from a book called "The Day Will Come" by Michael Brown.

" Meditate on the many ways you may think of yourself as better than someone else.  Think of the times you've considered yourself more advanced or better looking or somehow superior.  The times you've taken pride in your clothes or cars; even the times you've taken pride in your spirituality.  Think back on the many times you've been impatient.  Impatience often results from pride.  When we're proud, we treat our friends and loved ones as inferior.  We put them down.  We argue.  We're testy and we judge others.  We focus on everyone's faults but our own.  We're negative and temperamental.  With pride we become materialistic because we want physical objects to back up our feelings of being above others.  We like to showcase ourselves and demonstrate power.  We become rude and argumentative.  When pride accumulates it spreads from person to person and can also begin a domino effect.  A negative one.  (This is a good description of someone rooted in shame, but it is describing Pride!)

But aren't there some forms of pride that are good?  Aren't we suppose to be proud of certain accomplishments?

There's a difference between feeling satisfaction and harboring conceit or haughtiness.  There's a difference between thanking God-Who is actually responsible for any good we do-and thanking ourselves.  We should never give ourselves the credit.  We should never feel "puffed up".  I've already said pride blocks grace.  It stymies our development.  No one who is arrogant can function as an effective Christian.  Pride is the real root of all evil because it's pride that leads to materialism, sensualism, and the coarse treatment of others. 

Pride is faith in ourselves.  Pride magnifies self instead of God.  Pride leads to selfishness.  Pride causes our prayers to ring hollow. 

Pride prevents a closeness to Christ because Jesus is the antithesis of pride.  He's the opposite of selfishness.  The ultimate humility was His descent into mortality.  So, when we have pride, when we're self-seeking, we're the opposite of the way He gave of Himself on the cross".

Can you see by this description of Pride and how it manifests that it can be rooted in shame?  How many of us have confessed pride, only to continue on in it, beating ourselves up because we couldn't seem to overcome it?   It's because we failed to see the "root".  If the root is not removed, the stalks and leaves (sins) will continue to grow. 

God sees us always in His love.  We are his children.  This is not a condemnation, it is an invitation!  God invites us to be healed but we must first desire it!  Shame can create rebellion in us, "stiff necks" you might call it.  After so much pain and woundedness we may have become prideful as a defense and to punish those who hurt us.  Given we have no identity in Christ, this left a void that had to be filled.  We may have become materialistic to fill that void.  We may have become promiscuous, seeking the affirmation and love we never received through sexual sin to fill the void.  We may have become hardened and callous to protect ourselves from ever being hurt again.  We may become rude and argumentative to hurt others the way we have been hurt.  We may become angry and rage filled towards others when the shame button has been hit and we need to release the pain.   We may feel superior and treat others as inferior because we don't ever want to feel the pain of humiliation and rejection again.  We may drink too much, or be suffering from alcoholism or drug abuse to escape the pain of hopelessness we feel.   You see how it perpetuates from generation to generation!  Sin begets sin.  God extends the invitation of healing so that it stops.  Here. Now.  He is extending His hand to pull us out of the pit we have dug, but we must take it. 

Jesus began to show me all the instances in the Bible where people were in sin and shame.  The two that stood out the most to me were the woman caught in adultery that they were ready to stone in John 8:2-11 and the woman at the well, or The Samaritan Woman, John 4:4-26.

What struck me were the words of Jesus to the woman in adultery, "Nor do I condemn you, go and sin no more".   What relief and love she must have felt towards Jesus!  She was not condemned or shamed by Jesus, she was forgiven!  She believed she was, too.  She didn't walk away still feeling the sting of shame, guilt and embarrassment...she was set free by His mercy!  She accepted His gift. 

With the Samaritan woman, the woman was getting water at this time because of her shame. She wore a scarlet letter on her forehead (since she had married five times, and was now living with a man who was not her husband), and in order to avoid the gossip and cruelty of others, came to the well in the heat of the day, rather than in the morning, when others would get their water.  Jesus knew she would be there.  He chose to stay behind while the disciples went to get food.  He met her in her shame!  We read that He met her there, and extended the invitation for healing and restoration!  She responds "Sir, give me this water, so that I may not be thirsty, or have to keep coming here to draw water".  She accepted the invitation!  We can, too.

Some people may view the Sacrament of Confession in a negative light.  They approach it with fear, if at all, thinking you have to go to a "person" and tell them everything you did wrong thereby inviting more shame.  There could be good reason for some fear if judged by the light of the past and the horror stories we have all heard or experienced.  Unfortunately, there have been priests in the past who used the Confessional in a negative manner, and under the guise of getting the sinner on the right track and back towards God, used shame as a motivator.   This is not what God intended.  A good shepherd does not scare the flock, they would flee.  I think we are seeing the fruits of that in the Church today....because the Church has tried to diminish that image, they have diminished the power of the Sacrament of Confession and have failed to realize it as the gift that it is.  We don't realize the gift that it is, either.

There is such WISDOM in the Sacrament of Confession!  God established it in His Church as a means of deliverance from sin and the accompanying shame.  He knew the burden we would carry from sin.  He knew the damage sin would inflict on our souls.  He knew that we would live in darkness, separated from Him in our shame, if we had no means of reconciliation!  Read the story of Cain and Abel....Cain says to God in Genesis 4:13:

" My punishment is too great to bear.  Since you have now banished me from the soil, and I must avoid your presence and become a restless wanderer on the earth, anyone may kill me at sight."  This was after he killed his brother.  God knew we would avoid His presence and become restless wanderers.  And yes, living apart from God we are living in dangerous territory and open to the wickedness and snares of the devil.  

God knew all of this.  There is nothing new under the sun!  We are human, we will sin.  He sent Jesus as the remedy.  Did you ever wonder why Jesus had to suffer the most shameful death available in that day?  He took all of our sin, no matter what that sin is, on Himself.  All of the ugliness, the humility, the shame, the horror!  He took it in our place. That is true love. "I will suffer in your place".  We have to accept that, however, not just take it for granted that we're good with God.   Going to Confession is in effect accepting the sacrifice Jesus made for you.  In the Catholic Church we believe, as has been taught for centuries, that in the Sacrament of Confession, the priest is sitting "in the person of Christ".  The priest, as a successor of the apostles,  is a "vessel" that Christ extends his forgiveness through.

John 20:19-23
On the evening of that first day of the week, when the doors were locked, where the disciples were (10 of the 12 Apostles), for fear of the Jews, Jesus came and stood in their midst and said to them, "Peace be with you."  When he said this, he showed them his hands and his side.  The disciples rejoiced when they saw the Lord.  Jesus said to them again, "Peace be with you.  As the Father has sent me, I also send you.   When he had said this, he breathed upon them, and said to them, "Receive the Holy Spirit; Whose sins you forgive, they are forgiven them; and whose sins you shall retain, they are retained."

 The "vessel" does not have to be perfect in order for us to be forgiven.  We express our sorrow for sinning against the love Christ has for us, the love that enabled him to die for us. We tell Jesus what we have done that has harmed our relationship with Him.   Through the priest, we hear from Jesus the words the woman caught in adultery heard "nor do I condemn you, go and sin no more".   Confession is a healing Sacrament...just one of many ways Christ extends his healing to us through His Church.  When our souls are unburdened, when the weight and the darkness of sin and shame is removed by Jesus through this Sacrament, we are restored, made new again!  Grace begins to flow once again.

Jesus desires to meet YOU at the well....he has an invitation to extend to you.  Will you accept it?