The Difference between Shame and Humility

 I think that being rooted in shame can mask itself as humility.  Maybe it is why people stay in it....they think they are being humble.   It is most definitely a spiritual deception that is difficult to discern. 
True humility is knowing that God is God, I am not.  Humility is knowing that God is my Father, I am loved by Him.  Because of this knowledge, I strive to lay down my will continuously in order to live in His.  I do this because I know His love, and I trust Him.  I trust that He knows best, and even if I don't agree with it, it is for good.  There is no fear in it.  There might be some anxiety related to "letting go" and trusting, but no fear.  It is security, truthfully.  We are secure in our identity as a child of God, and trust in His wisdom.  We can allow true humility in our lives with this knowledge.  We know our place.

When we pray the third Sorrowful Mystery, The Crowning with Thorns, the fruit of that mystery is humility.  Some may be tempted to think that Jesus was powerless at that point, and associate humility with that.  He had just been scourged viciously, was weak.  Who wouldn't be traumatized by that?  He was led out in front of the mob, crowned in mockery.  Shameful. Embarrassing.  They were trying to shame him, mock him.  They did this to justify their actions.  They wanted him silenced and scorned.  They wanted to show him as a fool, and to shame those who followed him into giving up.  They wanted to drive the point home that He was not the Truth Incarnate.  It appeared to the mob that He was a powerless man, getting his just desert. It's apparent in reading the Old Testament that public shame was a very effective and useful tool, and they were using every ounce of it.  He was the King of Kings, Lord of Lords.  But, there He stood.  Hands bound, head bowed, crowned, beaten, bruised, abandoned, bloody.  Apparently defeated.  Proven wrong.  The mob delighted in this, that they were apparently right in their judgment about Him.  Look at Him!  Shamed and powerless!  How is He going to tear down a temple and rebuild it in three days now?

What do you feel when you are confronted by the mob? Do you feel ashamed, mocked, abandoned...beaten and defeated?  Do you feel stupid, worthless and  tempted to just give up? Do you feel the burning sting of embarrassment for daring to say anything?  That would be judging, right?  The mob would not see things my way anyways, and they have the power to destroy me.  You may think, who am I?  Everyone is entitled to their beliefs.  Isn't it better anyways to keep the peace at all costs?  To love our brother unconditionally?  Best then to be silent. They will learn the truth someday...from someone else, hopefully.  I should be like Jesus...be humble and silent.  I shouldn't cause any trouble or division...that is bad.  How will they know the unconditional love of Jesus if I make them mad?

Maybe you don't think this way, but I have, and sometimes do to this day.  It is a constant battle.  It is because of my problems with shame.  I used to pray the Sorrowful Mysteries of the rosary feeling sorry for Jesus the whole time.  In my pity for Him, I thought I too should put up with all manner of abuse in union with Him.  It was humility, right?  To suffer abuse and not say anything?  To become nobody, to become weak, and powerless....like Him.   How dare I say anything in light of the suffering of Jesus?  It was humility to allow everyone to have authority over me. It was humility to be confronted with blatant lies and sin, but keep on smiling.  The lady at the grocery store had authority over me.  I was being humble and polite...quiet and meek.  I don't know how many bad haircuts I got in those years because I thought my hairstylist must have known best...she was the authority in hair.  Seriously.  You just have to suffer these things out of humility.  I also didn't want to hurt anyone's feelings.  I eventually learned to cut my own hair.  I couldn't take that sort of "humility" anymore.

The point is, in my heart I knew the truth.  In my heart I knew I was being taken advantage of, I was being shamed into accepting lies as truth.  I was fuming inside, and sinning like crazy,  because I wasn't allowed to say anything in my "humility." Weak and silent, remember?   The reason I fumed was because I was not practicing humility at all.  I was living shame and cowardice and putting a humble label on it.  It was false humility. I wasn't suffering because I told the truth and was suffering persecution because of it, like Jesus. I was suffering because I wasn't telling the truth in my false humility. 

Jesus was not rooted in shame.  The reason He could accept the shame and mockery of the mob was because He knew exactly who He was.  He was not standing in front of them, crowned with thorns, in weakness and defeat.  He was standing there in power and triumph!  He trusted His Father unconditionally.  He trusted in His love for Him.  He suffered this humiliation for the Truth, in order to set the people free.  He suffered for a purpose.  He suffered out of love.  He allowed them to have their way because He knew that this suffering would mean life for them.  He was firmly grounded in strength and power from on High.  He could suffer because of that!  He could stand, apparently humiliated, because of a greater cause.  It was precisely this humility that was His strength!  He could have, as He said, called upon all the angels of Heaven to defend Him.  He had the power, the truth, the love...but in laying down his life to fulfill the will of the Father, he suffered in humility.  The Power of God is made manifest through His humility. 

The priest at our church told us a couple weeks ago that nobody is living humility because they are afraid of it.  They are afraid to pray for it.  That struck a cord with me.  I had to ponder it when I got home.  Why are we afraid to actually ask for humility??  The reason brought to me was that we view humility as shame.  Who would pray to be publicly shamed?  That is how we view the Crowning with Thorns.  Shameful.  We are afraid to pray to be shamed.  Jesus pointed out to me that we are misunderstanding his Crowning.  We misunderstand because of our emotional illness.  We misunderstand because of our lack of identity, our lack of trust, our mingling emotional problems with spirituality.  If we were healed of these issues, we would begin to finally see the true meaning and power of the sufferings of Jesus.  We are bringing Him down to our level instead of allowing ourselves to be raised up to His.

"My power is made perfect in weakness."  This is what Jesus told Paul.  Weakness here meaning true humility. Read Paul's letters and you will see that he had no identity issues.  He knew full well what weakness meant.  The power of God is made perfect in our humility.   When we are humble, He is strong.  So much misunderstanding!  Maybe the translators shouldn't have used the word "weak."  It definitely gives the wrong impression to those who misunderstand humility. True humility seeks the Wisdom of God. Wisdom is the highest form of surrender. Jesus knew when to be silent, because He was completely surrendered to the Will of the Father. Jesus listened to the Father, and obeyed the Father, in His humility and wisdom. Jesus surrendered His Will to the Father's Will.

So, as we approach Lent and the Way of the Cross, let's focus on the power of Jesus in His sufferings.  Let's truly pray for humility so that His power may be made perfect in us.