Since 2009, I have felt in my spirit that God was angry. Because of the climate in the Church, I felt it must just be me. Everyone was gushing kindness, but it struck me as false. They were pushing mercy, but not repentance, this was bothersome also. I had the thought that God could just be angry at me, I certainly earned it. Yet, when I would go to Mass and witness the kindness and mercy my spirit would start to experience a terrible pressure. As an example, on the Feast of Corpus Christi which is the feast for the Body and Blood of Christ, which is the source and summit of our Catholic faith, the priest used the homily to tell how that day, he went to the Methodist ministers Ordination ceremony because he was the leader in the Ecumenical Council. He told us it was charitable, kind to show his support for our Methodist brothers. On the Feast of Corpus Christi!? when 70% of the Catholics sitting in front of him don't believe in the Real Presence of Christ in the Eucharist? Well, the anger that rose up in my spirit was more than I could stand. I felt I was going to pass out. Not only that, it felt as though this was the straw that broke the camels back so to speak. It was beyond trembling. In addition to this, in the bulletin that day there was an announcement that there would be a tour we could take part in at the Hindu temple if we were interested in learning more. We would be surprised to learn how much we had in common with our Hindu "brothers and sisters". I felt pushed to wait for Father after Mass and ask him about this. I told him I felt God's anger at this and his face turned purple and he told me that he had the Bishop's approval. Then I was dismissed. This is just one example. There have been many other instances where for some reason, I could not look at the priest offering Mass. I thought that was strange. It was as if someone was literally turning my head away while he was talking. One day, I finally thought maybe this is God, so I asked Him during the Eucharist what it was I was experiencing. I heard "he has desecrated my altar." I didn't ask the Lord how, or why. I only knew then that God was turning His face from him, through me. Whenever these things would happen, I would pray for mercy for the particular priest. I also always pray that they have the grace to repent and accept God's mercy. Judas didn't.
God's Anger. I ponder why this is so hard for the Church to accept. In twenty years of going to numerous Catholic churches in a handful of states, I've never heard one priest mention God's Divine Anger. In fact, God is not mentioned at all. He is our Father, and He is never talked of, adored, revered in His own house. There are the prayers addressed to God during Mass, but it does not seem that the priest believes he is addressing God on our behalf. He is seemingly addressing us.
I felt to read Luke Chapter 23 the other night. The Passion. I've read it numerous times, but there must be something I will see, I thought. I was reading, and thinking yes, this is all familiar, when I got to the verse, 40: "But the other spoke up and rebuked him. "Have you no fear of God at all?" There it was. It stopped me, and confirmed for me what I have felt in my heart for years. The Catholic Church has lost it's fear of God. If you read the Old Testament (it really is the Word of God even though it seems to be forgotten and never spoken of!) you will see and know there are many attributes of God the Father. Anger is certainly one of them. I believe that by rejecting God's attribute of anger, God Himself as Father has been rejected. Many people act ashamed of the Old Testament, and are absolutely scandalized by the Psalms. It has been to our total detriment. Because of the jolly "God" and the strictly kind and compassionate Jesus that has been taught, people will now be completely shocked and traumatized by God's chastisement. I know I was. When you are told over and over again that Jesus is Mercy, Jesus only cares that you come back to Him, Jesus will heal your wounds, Jesus has forgiven your sins, and are not told the many somewhat painful ways this is accomplished it can be quite shocking; emotionally, spiritually and physically. It can literally create a whole new set of wounds! There was a point that I felt I could not go on. I was growing angry at God because it didn't align with what was being taught. There didn't seem to be any wisdom available from priests, either. They were just as clueless as I was as to what I was experiencing.
I would liken it to when I was pregnant with my first child. I have three sisters and none of them told me the truth about what to expect. They all thought it would scare me. Well, after 23 hours of labor without even a Tylenol, I was angry. Angry that it would have been less traumatic had they just told me the truth, I could have had time to prepare mentally and accept it. I read books, went to Lamaze, but personal experience from someone close to you who supposedly loves you and wants what is best for you would have been nice.
I think this is what the Church has done. The priests don't want to scare anybody and the Old Testament can be very scary. God is shown in all His Glory. His Justice, His Mercy, His Love, His Punishments, His Discipline. God is not just one thing. He is many in One, worthy of all reverence and praise! It all comes from His Love. This is what I believe I am understanding in my prayer. This is what has provoked God's Anger toward His children.
Many are denying this is a punishment from God. They may be right. God has permitted it, however. He did not protect us from it. An odd thing came in our family rosary the other night. My daughter said that she received God permitted this to spare us His anger. That is something to ponder. If our lack of fear of God, reverence for God and the rejection of His Commandments has provoked His anger, may it be His Mercy that we are no longer able to offer the Sacrifice of the Mass sacrilegiously or even blasphemously, any longer? He still loves us because He is faithful. But, if He can no longer tolerate the unconfessed sin, the sloth, the wordliness in His Body, it may be His mercy to permit this until we come to our spiritual senses and repent.
And one final thing. There are people God has called as intercessors to stand in the gap. These people suffer the justice of God so that the true object of God's anger and wrath has room to repent. So, do not think that God is not Just. He is. Someone else may be suffering on your behalf while you are being called to repentance. Keep them in your prayers, it is a very difficult ministry.
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