It's been two weeks since our family has been to Mass. I used to love the Mass and couldn't wait to go. My daughters and I went to daily Mass for five years, then due to circumstances only God understands, we weren't able to any longer.
I had noticed the last few years that for some reason, the Mass was becoming laborious. I felt oppressed, stressed, distracted and frustrated. Since we've been away, I've had time to ponder why I feel almost relieved that there is no Mass. It sounds awful, but true. The only part of the Mass that I loved were the readings, and the Eucharist. I continued to labor through it because it is Jesus in the Eucharist. He died for us. It is His Death, brought forth on the altar, that drew me and kept me coming back. He alone is worthy of our Praise! The rest of it, however, was exhausting and draining. Burdensome in a worldly way. It was as if the weight of the world was hanging in the air, and coming out of the mouths on the altar. It was conflicting and aggravating. So, here is my list of The reasons I do not miss the Mass:
1. We no longer have to suffer the patronizing, pleading, manipulating and very often down right lying all done in the Name of Jesus.
2. We no longer have to suffer the worship of ourselves, our feelings, our weaknesses (or sin as it is usually called by God).
3. We no longer have to bear the emotional burdens of the priest or his political beliefs, couched in Jesus terms.
4. We no longer have to be subjected to the incessant forced "community" and "family" pressures.
5. We no longer have to have Advent and Lent, supposedly the most holy times of the Church year, be dominated by capital campaigns and CSA. The near constant desire for money, at least in our parish, had become nearly sinful and dominated the season of Advent and Lent.
6. We no longer have to be subjected to the musical performances by the cantors. Many weeks, I fully expected the church to burst into a standing ovation for their "great singing" or you could call it "entertaining."
7. We no longer have to clap and fake joy over every small volunteer act or mention.
8. We no longer have to cringe at the bizarre interpretations of the gospels, see #1.
9. We no longer have to be interrupted in our few moments of silence before receiving the Eucharist by the stragglers who insist on continuing on with the Sign of Peace, even though we are in the midst of the "Lamb of God."
10. We are free of the guilt that was always felt after Mass for feeling rather empty and wondering what the gospel was even about this week.
As I get older, I see that the Holy Sacrifice of the Mass is not simply a social gathering of "family." As I grow in my faith, I desire to worship God properly, in Spirit and in Truth. This has seemed nearly impossible in the Catholic Church of late. The spirit of the world has so permeated it that God the Father is nowhere to be found and a false image of Jesus has been promoted. A Jesus that is pleasing to the world, and is concerned about pleasing men. The Mass is not about us. Not in the way that it has been made out to be. The Sacrifice of the Mass is our means of worshiping God the Father. It is our means of reconciling with the Father, through the death of Jesus His Son. The Father instituted this for us, yes, but it is not to be about us. The priest is supposed to be offering the Sacrifice to God on our behalf, to forgive our sins, to reconcile us with Him, the Father and Creator of all things. The priest isn't supposed to be reading the prayers addressed to God to us,as though to placate us, to seek our favor but that is certainly what is feels like. It is as though the entire meaning and purpose of Mass has been lost. This needs to be restored through repentance.
I truly hope that when the lock down is lifted, we don't go back to our old way of doing things. I truly hope that this trial has it's effect, the effect God desires of such trials.
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