When we were losing our home to foreclosure, we were desperate to save it in the beginning. It was 2008, and the economy was very bad. I think more than anything, there is tremendous shame involved. Shame. I hate that word. It was my constant companion for many years. It is very difficult to go through because the "world" and banks are not your friend you find out quickly. The vultures come out and begin circling, the phone is ringing and it feels like you're cornered. Then, there are family and friends. Everyone has advice. Everyone is watching. To say that you are praying, and trusting in God during this time is not what people want to hear. They want to see action. They want to see you save your life. They know what they would do if they were in your position, and you're not doing it. The stress! As we were going through this, I felt God saying "let it go." So, we did. Although there was a certain peace about it, the storm was very often louder than that still small voice. I think this was the beginning of being "set apart." You would think that we would embrace that! God the Father is setting us apart to make us holy and fit to do His Will. But no, there was literally no joy in it. It was overwhelming. Spiritually, emotionally, physically. I suffered a painful miscarriage right after we left our home and were living with friends. Providentially, it happened in a Catholic Church during a Retreat. I didn't know I was pregnant, I thought the pain and accompanying symptoms were due to the stress. This was in October of 2008. On July 18 of that year, my daughter said she had a dream of "grandma in a beautiful gold frame, smiling and holding a baby." At the time, I had no idea why she would dream that, but I see now. God in His consolations!
Looking back on all this, I see that "leaving the world" can be a very ugly, almost violent, thing. Having two children and a skeptical husband along for the ride out can literally crush you. I can honestly say though, I never would have done it on my own. If the situations of failure, unemployment, deaths hadn't steered us out, we never would have gone. I wouldn't want to ever go through it again, but I am grateful to God for permitting it. It was necessary. I just couldn't see it in the midst of it.
I told God once, or probably numerous times, in prayer that it felt like He was trying to kill us. I told Him the Crosses were too many, and too harsh to handle all at once. His response was "the Cross does kill. It kills everything that hinders your relationship with Me."
I think the Lord has asked me to share this now because there are many who will be faced with this dilemma in the near future. My advice to anyone going through this is to trust God, first and foremost. Trust Him in spite of the crowd. Do not worry about the opinions or judgments of "man." Worry about pleasing God. Worry about cooperating with Him because He does know best, even though it may not appear to make sense to you or others. Pray. There was no "Surrender Novena" when we were going through this, but I have one now and wish I had it then! How beautiful and reassuring! Pray, and do not fear. Renounce fear as though it were a burglar banging on your door. That's exactly what fear is. A thief. Pray for grace! Although it is very difficult, it very well may be the opportunity God is using to "set you apart" and prepare you for His work, His Will.
God is good and desires your good. If anything or anyone tells you otherwise, they are a liar and in need of a boot.
There is no longer the conflict and opposition which is supposed to characterize us. We are influencing the world less than the world influences us. There is no apartness.” Fulton Sheen
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